Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My vagina just clenched in fear
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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