using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
