you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
