I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Randomize