i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
