I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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