well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
