Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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