Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i love accidental penises.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
