I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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