chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
