I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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