By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I want to have your abortion
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
