There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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