im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
