I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
