Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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