I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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