The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
