so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You don't make any sense
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