Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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