the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
