Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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