I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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