does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize