I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
