this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
sarcasm needs its own font
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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