And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
