i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
