You just made me feel so damn special
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
