Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
