Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
