I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
