Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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