Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
