u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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