Me too!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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