Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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