We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
