So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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