But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
