I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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