And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
