just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
