kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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