Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
