This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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