I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
