he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
