So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
