It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
