I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
