Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
