I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
