is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
