"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize