I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize