Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
