in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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