i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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