I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
