How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
