There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
