btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
