I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
