I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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