apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
