dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
