I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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