I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize