how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
