i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
