mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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