dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
