Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
