i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
