Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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