When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
